I know I need boundaries, but I have no idea where to start…

Have you found asking this question to yourself? First of all, let us understand what are unhealthy and healthy boundaries? How keeping healthy boundaries helps you keep mentally and emotionally at peace?

So, what do unhealthy boundaries looks like?

  • Trusting anyone or no one – Having a complete black and white thinking.
  • Letting others direct you, define you or describe your reality.
  • Accepting sexual, physical or emotional abuse.
  • Self-abuse.
  • Allowing someone to take as much they can from you.
  • Allowing yourself to be taken for granted.
  • Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
  • Expecting others to fulfil your needs automatically.
  • Being in an emotionally unavailable relationship.
  • Saying yes when you mean no.
  • Believing you can’t have desires.
  • Allowing inconsideration of you.

These things and so many more takes a toll on your mental and emotional healthy and drains you completely. Leaving you feeling unworthy, unloved and taken advantage of. This can often trigger your old traumas, derail your healing process and make you vulnerable towards emotional manipulation.  

When setting boundaries with people feels really wrong, it’s probably right for you. Setting boundaries is about having the courage to have what you rightfully deserve, to be respected, to be accepted for who you are and to be loved the way you are. It means knowing your desires, preferences and deal – breakers when you clearly express yourself. Those who truly love you and appreciates your presence in their life will be ok with your boundaries. These healthy boundaries are for those who don’t respect them and are in your life to only take advantage of you.  Know that standards will only scare people who are not meant for you. It defines a place where your responsibility ends and another person begins. It stops you from doing things for others that they don’t value or should do by themselves. Its also about you doing the right thing for yourself.

Healthy Boundaries is not only good for you but also for all your relationship. This will only help you improve your relations with people who truly deserve you. By deciding what you will and won’t accept, you will teach people how to treat you. Here are few of the signs of healthy boundaries you can start with:

  • Saying ‘no’ without any guilt.
  • Asking for what you want or need.
  • Behaving according to your own values and beliefs.
  • Taking care of yourself.
  • Being treated as equal.
  • Taking responsibility of your own happiness and not feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness.
  • Feeling safe to express difficult emotions and have disagreements.

These healthy boundaries are not to block others out of your life. They are the barriers that will set you free to love the right people and most importantly you. They are to make you and your right people to feel valued, appreciated and loved. 

“Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.” – Mark Groves.

Take care of yourself.

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